im drinking this country out of the recession.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
