ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
