Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you have feelings for this penis?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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