ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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