I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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