Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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