he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
