I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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