so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
