2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
