Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she looked like the before picture.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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