Cold hands, warm shart.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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