he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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