i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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