Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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