Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
