he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
