the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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