her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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