I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
