Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
