Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
