both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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