that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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