i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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