I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
