I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
