Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
