I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
