I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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