I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
