Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
