So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
