Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Couch. On fire.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
