Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
