Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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