well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
