just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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