Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
