I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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