apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
