Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
