It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
