I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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