This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
