just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
