I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
