turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So much rum. So many feels.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
