Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
