a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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