is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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