Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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