Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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