after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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