she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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