She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
