And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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