Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
