the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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