just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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